Several Examples of "CAN"

My nephew Ray Walser had one hell of a football game.

"High school sophomores can't start varsity games, and if they do they can't lead a team of older team mates to a difficult victory".

Really? Go read this article: Ray's Game

Lately I've made some choices in my life that other's are having a difficult time understanding; I quit a long term steady job to pursue a freelance writing endeavor, I've decided to sell my home and move out of the state where I've lived my entire life and into a community where I literally know nobody. Honestly, I don't understand everything I'm doing either, I just know that a voice inside me tells me this is what I should do, and for the first time in a really long time I feel inspired.

Over the course of my long train of decisions, ideas, endeavors I've noticed more and more how I hear what I can't do, why I shouldn't attempt this or that, how I haven't considered what could go wrong in enough depth. I CAN'T sell my house in this stagnant market, "nothing can be done", I CAN'T write a book manuscript about the homeless because it's been done too many times before and nobody will want to read it, I CAN'T move into another state and expect to find a job that will support me in the manner I have visualized because my college education and pending MBA isn't going to make that big of a difference. I CAN'T believe that at 40 I still have time or a chance to experience a lifelong love I've always known was there for me but wasn't quite ready for previously. The people want to know, "Where's my proof?" The only proof I have is a feeling deep down inside.

Since I have no personal doubts about what I'm doing I've been trying to muscle through and keep the faith with myself. The problem is it recently occurred to me that I'm not sure where the folks are who tell me, "You CAN, and you WILL...anything is possible if you want it badly enough". Once upon a time those people seemed to be everywhere, but as of late they've been virtually non-existent. And honestly I will have to admit that many cannots really CAN make things much harder than they need to be.

So from there I pondered, do I tell people what they can't do? Actually....no. I listen to what they tell me they'd like to do, I weigh how much research it sounds like they have put into it, and then I wish them the best. No, I'm not a saint by any measure, but I am NOT a "cannot"...that I can say. So, the thing for folks reading this to consider is, "Are YOU a cannot?" If you are, then you should attempt to contemplate why that is? Why are you telling others what they can't do when it would take the same amount of time to tell them what they can? Is it because you attempted the same thing and it didn't work out for you, therefore you figure it won't work for anybody? Or is it because they are attempting things you wish you had the courage to try so you subconsciously (or consciously) shoot them down to make yourself feel less stagnated? Is what Ray accomplished likely? No. That's not the point, the point is that it's fairly apparent that the part Ray left behind that night are all the reasons why he "cannot" do things, and look what happened.

To end this impromptu sermon by Denise, here's another link about what CAN be done if you don't listen to what everybody else tells you is possible. A friend of mine sent this to me and after reading it I became inspired to make this post. Sports Illustrated Article.

In these times more than ever, everybody can tell themselves in their heads what they doubt they can do, or what they can't; we all seem to be pretty good at that. I believe the kindest thing we can do for each other is to make a point to ENCOURAGE each other, rather than shoot down, and help people do better rather than hold them back via your own worries.

Edge the Cat's Bad Day

This is Edgy "The Edge"....Edgy has had a tough week...I'd been gone at my folk's for a week and left Edge with the sitter. When I came home he had an impressive case of the squirts that he was getting everywhere in my house I'm trying to keep clean and fresh for prospective buyers...So, Edge spent the first night in the puppy's carrier in which he yowled all night. I eventually scooted him into the laundry room where I couldn't hear him yowl. He not only yowled, he dumped his water in the litter box, which created kitty litter paste and then he rolled in it...Edgy was not looking good (or smelling good). I realize I should have kept him in, but I couldn't take it, so he went outside to hopefully clean himself up while he remembered how to make solid terds, not squirts. LOL! Well, every time Edge came in he didn't really look any cleaner...he did leave a terd in the litter box, so that got him off quarantine, but he still looked and smelled terrible. About the 5th time I was watching TV, smelled this horrible smell (again) and realized it was because Edge had walked over to me and wanted to sit in my lap, well, Edge went in the bathtub. To be subtle about it? That is not how Edge was planning on spending his day....He threw a rather impressive fit. I've been at this long enough that no, he didn't win, but I will say he thru an impressive stink, and without scratching or biting me once....he may not smell his best or be very good at hygiene, but when you get right down to it, he is a pretty well mannered guy.

So, this picture is Edge post bathtub...I'm not sure, but I think he's giving me the kitty finger with merely a dirty look...What do you think? (I call that, "The Claw" since kitties don't have fingers....)

Top 10 Things That Make Me Angry

10. WWF. How fucking stupid is it, and even worse, how stupid are the people who watch it? I had to watch 5 minutes while I was waiting for B.G. on the SciFi channel, and this list came to mind. While we are at it, what does WWF even have to DO with SciFi geeks? Seems to me they would be intellectual, scrawny guys who don’t get laid much. Why would they be into wrestling? Extreme Strip Poker, okay…but not wrestling. Made no sense.

9. Coupons in the grocery store line. Okay, coupons are fine, but people who will haggle for 5 or 10 minutes over a nickel REALLY piss me off.

8. Mini van drivers who load up the van with everybody they know and then order food in the drive- thru lane. Not only do I get to wait for them to all decide what they want to eat, but then I get to wait for them to collect the money at the paying window, and I get to wait again for all the food to be gathered up and bagged and handed off. (Mini vans may appear in this countdown several times…) Added bonus? Van full of really FAT people, because then I can assume they are ordering an insane amount of food and the reason they are in the drive thru is because they are too fucking lazy to get out and go inside. Yes, I said FAT, but it’s like the N word and being black, I am one, so I can say it…if you aren’t, you can’t.

7. Businesses that don’t call me back in a reasonable amount of time. Any business I e-mail or contact by phone who doesn’t respond within a few days really chaps my ass.

6. Bad customer service. Period.

5. People who are apparently unaware that the far left lane of the freeway is for passing only. The guy who will sit there oblivious and create a huge backup of traffic really pisses me off. The crème de la crème of this group is the person who will STILL sit there after people manage to pass him one after the other in the center lane…get a CLUE! Oftentimes these drivers are in mini-vans.

4. People who text people from the movies with their annoying glowing LED lights on REALLY chap my ass.

3. People who will talk during concerts…just because the music is loud and they can’t hear themselves doesn’t mean that their constant yammering behind me doesn’t annoy the piss out of me.

2. People who smoke in doorways. In Washington you are technically not supposed to smoke within 25 feet of a public building…not so in Oregon. Once you walk thru the smoke then it sticks to your clothes and YOU smell like smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to smoke, but you know what? I don’t now and I REALLY have no desire to smell anybody else’s.

1. And the Number 1 thing that chaps my ass? Hummers and Escalades (and any other insanely large SUV). To me when I see that with 2 people in it, it says, “I have a lot of money, therefore I don’t care what things cost, nor do I feel I have to worry about conserving resources….fuck the war...they'll find more oil somewhere else".

Ask Me About My WEINER!!!!!

This would win my vote for the FUNNIEST trailer bit of the year....I went and saw this movie tonight, and it was actually funnier than I expected. HOWEVER, this bit with the guy in the hotdog suit was definately the BEST part. Kudos to the actor for pulling this off so well!

John Stewart for President!!!!

As I'm sure it's inspired many people, that new movie with Robin Williams as the comedian who runs for president got me to thinking: John Stewart needs to run for president...I'd vote for him in a second...He should ride the publicity of the upcoming movie and run...could happen. A website where you can sign the petition is at http://www.petitiononline.com/Daily17/petition.html

Sign it...let's see what happens....

Taking Jesus Back

After Bush won the last election, and many of the people I know and associate with were stunned (to put it mildly) that the people actually DID that, a friend of mind made a quote I've never forgotten.

"They won the election by hijacking Jesus!"

As we all know now, that is EXACTLY what they did. The Republicans successfully outcampaigned the Democrats by portraying themselves as "God's people", and the other side was a bunch of liberal gay loving, science creating pagans who were going to all be reponsible for bringing on the next Armageddon. And Bush won.

I was as despondent as anybody....HOWEVER, two years ago on the Grammies I noticed a change: There was some form of "power to the people" or spiritual sense to almost every performance. The highlights were Green Day's performance of Amercian Idiot, which doesn't even beat around the bush on what it has to say, Kanye West's performance which was combined with the Staple Singers and a gospel choir and was intense, to say the least....Most of the performances had something to do with spirituality, hope or in some form Jesus...And I'm of the opinion that the Grammys are not really a "red state" crowd....That's when I noticed a change.

In my little 2 cent opinion, I think that the Religious Right zealots made it so "uncool" to be associated with Faith of any sort that the liberal people have all been "in the closet" from a Faith standpoint for several years. Everybody needs something to believe in, especially these days, but what are you going to do when the number one religion in the United States has somehow become associated with a war most people don't want, and a cabinet most Americans are ashamed of? Thus, the sudden popularity of New Age thinking and more importantly, people ADMITTING they believe that way. Virtually EVERYBODY believes in a higher power of some sort; even a friend of mine who proclaimed herself an Athiest feared "bad karma". I don't want to break it to her, but Karma is a result of a Higher Power making judgement calls....she's not an athiest, but shhhhhh....:-)

My last post was about the series Lost...there are a lot of spiritual messages in there, and a blaring message I'm getting is "instinct over education" works best..."Instinct" in my opinion, is another word for Faith. The show has a huge message, actually MANY of them, and it's wildly popular...I just finished slogging thru the Season 1 DVD set of Battlestar Gallactica. Boy, is that different from the old version I must say...Right away I pegged that the Cylons had obviously been programmed by the Bush cabinet to believe what they were doing is right, the rest of the world are sinners, and there is only one way things are and that is the Cylon way. They had even successfully programmed themselves so that if the body vessel they were in died, the programming would radio wave itself to another recepticle. They'd created "Eternal Life". Initially, the Battlestar Gallactica human survivors were scoffing at the whole angle of higher power and faith...BUT, as the series progressed, a belief set amongst the humans began to surface as well. Towards the end of the season an entire "Biblical story" had been created that was loosely based on the Old Testament, and the crew of Gallactica are following their quest to fulfill an ancient prophecy and find the planet known as Earth. The Gallactica folks are going to survive with "help from God". And the show is wildly popular...

I LOVE that!!! Maybe a lot of it is subconciously, but the new thinkers vs. the old thinkers is becoming a more even battle. It's not that we don't believe in God, it's that we are disgusted with how God's word has been contorted and twisted to serve other's financial and political gains. Most of the decent people I know want nothing to do with that....however, those same people have also realized they are unwilling to give up their belief set in the name of disassociation and are fighting back via the best media: Art. Jesus was hi-jacked, but we've put on the black leotards and the face paint and we've sneaked in and hustled him out of jail in the middle of the night! That's the most hopeful thing EVER!

U2 has been doing this for YEARS...open spirituality despite whether it was cool to express it or not is something they've been masters of. On the Vertigo Tour they sold out EVERY arena they played in minutes...not days, minutes. EVERYWHERE. Name another band in the world that can do that? There isn't one. When The Stones come to PDX, tickets are available for several weeks; when McCartney came, tickets were available for several days...U2 sold out in 10 minutes or less. Why can they do that? The feeling. The U2 fans who have gone to dozens of shows and will go to several performances every tour know exactly what I'm talking about: The feeling. At a U2 show there is a spirituality and a commeraderie amongst the fans that is unlike anything else I've ever felt. Despite what is going on in the world at the time, at a U2 concert you are allowed to feel whatever you'd like without feeling guilty for the pleasure for a couple of hours. THAT is their draw; all the fans out there know exactly what I'm talking about, the folks who have yet to go think I'm dilluded. That's okay. As I mentioned above, there are now a LOT of ways to exercise your belief set through the Arts these days...And that speaks a much brighter picture for the outlook of the world if you ask me.

The message Jesus gave was great, "Do unto others, love each other, turn the other cheek". He was the original hippy, without the tie dye and the joint...And what he had to say WAS good. To quote The Edge, "I'm cool with Jesus Christ....it's a lot of Christians I have a problem with". Amen brother, Amen....

Lost...Possibly the Best Television Show EVER!

Okay, I am an admitted fighter of fads; I was the last one to listen to Alanis Morrissette- Jagged Little Pill and Hootie and the Blowfish-Cracked Rearview, but yes, when I did listen to them I had to say, "Wow! Those are really great albums...where have I been?" I don't get sucked into a lot of the television shows...I'm virtually finished with reality TV; I will still watch the occassional American Idol episode or Rockstar Supernova, but for the most part I've nixed all that as well. I like to watch a couple of the CSIs (Grissom is a god among men so far as I'm concerned...he's that legend we single women are always seeking: the intelligent male. Most of us see that as the Unicorn, the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot: they may exist, but we've never seen them first hand yet...Haven't given up hope though!!!!!), Criminal Minds and Medium...other than that, not much regular TV for me.

So, being a Netflix subscriber I got the season 1 Lost dvd's awhile back...I sat there in my living room for virtually 12 hours straight watching that...Picture me, glassy eyes, slack jawed with a little drool trail running down the side of my mouth; looked like a mental patient on Thorazine...couldn't get enough!!!! Finally Season 2 came out and I just finished watching the last of that last night. What an AMAZING show this is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is the most hopeful thing I think I've ever seen in my life. I know everybody's take and interpretation on it is different, but what I got from Season 1 is that the show is very much about teaching that we all need to learn to forgive ourselves for our past sins and shortcomings. Also, that we all need to allow ourselves to think outside the box and trust what we feel over what we've been taught. Locke and Jack represent opposites sides of the spectrum on that; Locke has been screwed time and time again for believing in the greater good, yet he is STILL attempting to continue to believe in just that. Jack has a hard time believing in anything that can't be explained by science, yet things keep happening on the island that even he can't completely deny.

Season 2 took us deeper into the charactors: Is Sawyer really a bad guy? No...Sawyer has yet to forgive himself, so he acts as he does to punish himself by being hated by his peers. When Anna Lucia was shot Sawyer showed his true heart: he's a good person. Locke's faith was tested and he called it out: turns out that what Locke believed in all along was NOT a lie and the work he was doing was NOT for naught...Rose could feel that her husband wasn't dead...turned out a season later that Rose was right...Even though everybody thought she was disraught from the crash, seems what Rose's heart told her was true. Mr. Eco is an incredibly interesting charactor as well...I look forward to more of him in season 3.

This show is impossible to describe in a blog post, but I did feel it at least merited an effort. If you haven't seen it before, then you should go rent the DVD's and check it out. I think it's a Love/hate sort of thing...if you don't get hooked on the pilot, the show isn't going to be for you...I don't think you have to let it grow on you, I think it gets you or it doesn't. Well, I'm not easy to get to, but this got me...I recommend it to anybody who questions their own heart or belief set or direction....Maybe anybody who just can't figure out "what next" or "what do I deserve"....I think there's a little bit for everybody in here if you need some personal affirmation. It worked for me.

Farewell Crocodile Hunter...You Will Be Missed...

Along with the rest of the world, I was stunned to read that Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter had been killed by a Stingray. Who hasn't immitated Steve on his show picking up some horrible venemous snake and yelling in that thick Aussie accent, "It's the most dangerous snake in the WORLD!!!!! Isn't he a BEAUTE???????!!!" We've all done that.

My first thought when I heard how he'd died? I'll bet if Steve could comment on it, he would say, "Can't ask for a better exit than THAT mate!" He allegedly died peacefully, doing exactly what he loved to do...Although his death is extremely premature and tragic, at the least we can say that he did die on his own terms, doing what he loved to do.

The best of human nature seems to surface in the face of a tragedy; hopefully in this case that will ring true as usual. With Irwin gone, a strong voice of advocacy for the animal kingdom has now been silenced. Hopefully Steve's legacy will be 1,000's of new voices piping up to carry on where he was forced to leave off.

On behalf of the animal kingdom as a whole, I would like to say, "Thanks Steve! You made a difference, and you will be missed."

My Coexist Tattoo...Finally...

Got this Bono inspired tattoo a couple of weeks ago....I don't have my other tattoo posted because I don't want it copied; this one however I think EVERYBODY needs to have one drilled on. Isn't that the most important message: Quit blowing the asses off each other and get along!!!! I think it's a good message.

Bless you Bono!

Be Kind To Canvassers....

Okay, I had an interesting couple of weeks: I attempted doing a little cavass work for the Gifford Pinchot Task Force ( www.gptaskforce.org ). It's a great organization doing extremely noble work. The problem is that work requires going door to door and attempting to get people to listen to what you have to say and THEN write you a check to sign up for a membership. Honestly, considering my less than warm reception with door to door people in the past I'd imagine I should be surprised I got as many people to sign up as I did...I did okay. Others on that team do even better, with people routinely giving $50 to $100 at the door. That speaks well for some people I must say.

The downside? The people that listen and the people that give are about 1 in every 30 doors or so...inbetween those givers there can be some REAL S.O.B.'s, if I do say so myself. But the extreme S.O.B.'s aren't even the worst part; the worst part are the people who listen to what you say and then tell you that they appreciate what you are doing, keep it up, but they are not going to join anything like that ever. THOSE are the people who can suck the life right out of you...The final straw for me was a middle aged lady in a nice neighborhood with a brand new BMW in her driveway. She told me that it was her policy not to speak with anybody who comes to her door or calls on her phone for ANY reason; however, she likes what I'm doing and I should keep it up. She went on to add she wasn't going to listen to anything I had to say, but she appreciated me nonetheless......That was my last door as a canvasser. What sort of horse shit is THAT?!!!!

Although I'm no longer going to pound the pavement knocking on doors, what did I learn from this? I will NEVER be rude to somebody who has the courage to come knock on my door with a cause they consider worthy, I will buy candy bars from little kids on fundraisers, and I will even listen to the Mormons...(well, maybe I'll listen to the Mormons)

It's all hard work, and it takes incredible courage to do it. The next time somebody knocks on your door with a cause they want to tell you about, listen to them...if it sounds worthy, give them some money...even if it's just a few bucks. It's not about the money, it's about the courtesy, respect and common decency we should ALL have towards somebody who is working to try and make the planet a better place.

Sponsors Needed for the Livestrong Challenge!!!!

I finally did it and signed up to ride in the Livestrong Challenge in Portland, OR on July 30th. What makes this an even greater challenge for me is the fact I'm going rafting the day before...(Please scroll down the blog to the rafting story if you haven't read it previously!!!!). My brother Greg is coming down to my neck of the woods that weekend and we are attempting our own little Biothalon. Okay, Greg is riding 70 and I'm only riding 40, but nevertheless....

I attended last year as a sponsor and this is the photo I got of Lance as he was riding the ride....nice photo considering how quickly I had to snap it.

Anyway, I need sponsors because I HAVE to make $500 to be allowed to ride in the ride at all...if everybody I know gives me $20 I'll make it there easily!!!! Whatever you can see your way clear to donate would be great!

My web address for that event is: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=153529&lis=0&kntae153529=D94898551B844A44A568FA98CBB8F842


It's a long one, but if you click on the link it should get you there.

Thanks guys!

Denise:-)

And the Silicon Chip Inside Her Head Gets Switched to Overload.....

I don't even have anything to say today...I just REALLY love this photo of Sir Bob Geldof and Bono. Nice picture!

You know, I DID find a really great Bono spot for all you fans out there. It's at www.bonoonline.com. Nice spot. Very thorough!

What am I doing as of late? Going to school....Doing a little writing for a couple Veterinary clinics, doing some Mystery shopping (anything you want to know about ANY cell plan I can tell you the details. Been doing a lot of cellular shops as of late) and my main line of work these days is canvassing for the Gifford Pinchot Task Force. Right now we are signing up members and trying to stop an open pit mine from going in up by Mt. St. Helens...as if THAT area hasn't had enough problems to bounce back from already. If you are interested in reading about the mine and what you can do to help stop them from digging it go check out www.gptaskforce.org. Good site and I'm happy with the people I'm meeting and what I'm doing. Very grateful for the opportunity to get to try on a lot of things in the name of finding what really is the right fit for me.

I'll think of something to write later!

Denise:-)

Some Pictures Really Do Say 1000 Words...

Even I can't think of anything to say about this....

Bono's Trek Thru Africa

There's some good podcast interviews on the MSNBC website. Anybody who is interested go check it out the ONE blog here: http://www.one.org/blog/ and there's a link there that will take you to it. Bono's Trek Thru Africa.

Colbert's Burning Bush

I saw little snippets of the Whitehouse Correspondent's Dinner, and I watched both John Steward and The Colbert Report the first broadcast afterwards. Brilliant! All I can say about it actually...I read a quote somewhere that the person who booked Colbert admitted afterwards that he'd never actually SEEN any of Colbert's work prior to booking. That was perhaps a big mistake...Anyway, go look for yourself and all the video is there. The Bush Impersonator was pretty funny as well if you have the time to watch...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-869183917758574879&pr=goog-sl

From the Wisdom of Ben Stein...

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young? It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away. I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period.

I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

Ben Stein

There is an expanded version of this that has been added on to from things picked up on the web since 9-11. If you are interested in reading that, then go to http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_ben_stein_christmas.htm and read the expanded version. What I have here is directly from Ben Stein's website which is http://www.benstein.com/121805xmas.html

I admittedly used to watch Win Ben Stein's Money when Jimmy Kimmel was his host and I LOVED that show. I was always impressed with just how incredibly smart this man is and I agree with every word he said. Yes, there are zealots, there are athiests and then there are the rest of us who fall somewhere in the middle. I think the latter group of us would like everybody to take a little break on all their attempts at forcing us into making everything perfect for everybody. How 'bout we leave things alone and let individuals pick out the things they like and simply walk past the things they don't? That seems a fairly simple solution to me...but then again, who am I? I'm just one of the people in the middle.

Captain Saxon's Big Adventure; "It's Not That Bad"

As the time draws near for me to yet again book my annual rafting trip on the Deschutes it occurred to me that I needed to document last year's story before embarking on this year's story. Here it goes:

Last year I had separated from my old crowd that used to go rafting together every Summer...I realized I didn't miss those people, but I DID miss the yearly rafting trip. So, why not put together my OWN crew and get back on the river? Couldn't think of a reason so I put it together. As it turned out it was an "All Chick's Boat" with the members being Cam, Teresa, Teresa's mom, Bernie, myself and the last minute add in Karn. Now experience wise I'd been down the river (always with more experienced people than myself) 4 or 5 times, Bernie had gone several times, and Teresa had gone once. Teresa's mom, Cam and Karn were the boat rookies. A side bar about Cam is that I more or less had to talk her into the trip initially because whitewater was something that had always frightened her. She finally decided she NEEDED to go because she needed to conquer her fears; in all honesty I kept expecting her to bail out of the trip up until I saw her parked in my driveway the morning of. Cam didn't bail. I encouraged her by saying, "Thousands of drunk people make it down that river every year; you can too! No worries!"

So, morning of we all managed to rendezvous in Maupin as planned, got our raft, got the cars postioned on both ends of the river and we were ready for launch. I briefed everybody the best I could, and we had paused to look at the big rapids on the way up to the boats so we more or less had a plan, or so we thought. I was in the front left of the boat, Karn was on the front left. First set of rapids weren't too bad; everybody was squealing and giggling in all the right places and stayed in the boat. It was looking good. Then came Boxcar, which is a Class 3 rapid. Alas, we dropped off the top of Boxcar and I watched Karn bounce off the side of the raft and into the water and I watched Teresa go floating past me as well (BUT, her hat was still on, so that's something!). Great, I lost 2 out of 6 on our first major rapid, not good. Oh well, we pulled over to the side and Teresa jumped in. Karn came swimming over from another direction. She said she may have fallen out of the boat, but the guys on the side had given her a beer, so that's something! She told me that she fell out because of me; she'd assumed I was going to tell her to hang on when she needed to...Guess I missed THAT one...I told her in the future if the water is looking frothy and white, hang on irregardless of whether I tell her to or not. :-)

On down the river things went pretty smoothly; we forged thru the smaller rapids and pulled over periodically for the ritualistic passing round of the beer. We were in the part of the river that sported a lot of flat water, which meant we were deep in water fight territory. We were doing battle with several different boats of folks in different spots. One boat in particular fought pretty hard and one of the men from the boat had either fallen in the water or jumped out, I can't remember. He was looking at me and swimming towards me but I thought nothing of it, I figured he just wanted to hang onto the boat for a minute to catch a breather. Wrong. He got close to me and grabbed my life vest with both hands and pulled me out of the boat slicker than shit; I swallowed water and everything, it was a sweet move on his part. As I'm puffing and trying to figure out how I'm going to get back in the boat I told him, "You BASTARD! If I go over Oak Springs without the boat because I couldn't get my fat ass back in the boat, then you and I are going to talk MISTER!" I think he thought I was seriously angry with him and he swam off with his group (later on I saw him again and told him it was a good one, I never saw him coming and he got big points for that maneuver).

Then came Oak Springs. Oak Springs scares me every year. It's the only class 4 rapid on the trip, and it's a bitch to set up correctly for it because of all the rollers right before the rapid, and then what makes it even worse is after you take the drop you have to shoot thru a cravasse in the rocks. 1 of 3 things happens there: you shoot the slot perfectly and look great, OR you scoot up onto the rock shelf and get stuck and look like an asshole, OR you tip your boat over on the ledge, loose all your people and spend the next 20 minutes trying to find your boat, your oars, your crew, etc....When Oak Springs goes well it's fun, when it goes badly it sucks. Here's what happened to us: We'd strategized how we wanted to be positioned and we had our strategy, here it goes; we get in the pre-rollers and Bernie starts yelling, "Stop! We lost Cam". Oh SHIT! Karn and I both yelled, "We CAN'T STOP!!!!! DIG or we're going to go over sideways!!!!!" So, everybody put their backs into it and we managed to go over at a pretty good angle. As soon as we hit the hole I turned around to find Cam and to my horror saw she had grabbed the side of the raft and she was going thru the slot while hanging on the side of the raft. Every once in awhile the raft would bounce against her, smashing her against the rocks and making her go "Oomph!" Every time she went "Oomph!" we're all going, "Ooooooohhhhhh". I was SURE she was getting thrashed and cut up and breaking ribs, legs, etc....I went all the way thru the worst part of that rapid backwards keeping an eye on her. At the shelf Cam belly slid across it (it has about 6 inches of water running over the top of the rocks) still hanging onto the raft and she was going, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!" all the way across it. I was sure she was scraping skin off her legs and stomach in big strips...I was FREAKED for her.

In what seemed to be about an hour after she fell out of the boat (it was probably less than 2 minutes) we got to a spot that was slow enough to pull her back in. While pulling her in then Bernie fell out! I go, "Goddammit Bernie, get back in the BOAT!" Bernie is svelt and athletic and popped back in almost as quickly as she'd popped out. In the same move she continued pulling on Cam and we got her in the boat.

Cam laid on the floor of the boat trying to catch her breath and Karn goes, "You guys! Is somebody going to row because we have some water ahead of us!"

I look up and see a bunch of big rollers coming up. "Come on Cam, get up, we've got water ahead!!!"

Cam tries to get up and then starts yelling, "My arm! My arm!" Her fucking elbow was jammed in the ice chest bar in the middle of the raft. I looked at the water approaching, figured my best impromptu geometry and found the angle to turn her arm in order to get her unwedged, unwedged her, handed her her oar and started rowing.

There was about 5 minutes of tough water before we could even ask her how she was...As soon as we could pull over we took inventory of her injuries, and much to our shock she really didn't have any!!!! Can you believe that? As it turns out she had a couple of small bruises on her arms and on the tops of her toes. She said, "Every time I hit the rocks I heard all of you going 'Ooooohhh!'. I wanted to tell you 'It's not that bad!' but I couldn't catch my breath long enough to tell you that!"

She continued, "When I was sliding across the rocks on my belly I thought I'd lost my swimsuit and my TWAT was hanging out for everybody to see...it didn't hurt, I just was worried about my suit!"

That got us to all look at each other and burst out laughing....She was worried her 'twat' was hanging out....THAT was funny. As a matter of fact, we were all pretty quiet for about the next half hour until one or the other of us would go, "It's not that bad...." and just bust up laughing. That was pretty much the tone of the rest of the trip, "it's not that bad" and then giggling. At the end of the trip the girls thanked me for guiding them down the river. THAT made me laugh...I said, "What do you mean? I lost 5 out of 6 crew members at one point or another. As a matter of fact, the only person I didn't lose was Teresa's 60 yr. old mother!"

At that point Teresa's mom goes, (in a thick Norwegian accent) "You told me to hang on and row. You never told me to fall out of the boat so I DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!"

I don't care who you are...that's funny!

Anyway, when the girls all thanked me for guiding them down the river I had to break it to them; "I wasn't guiding you; I was in the boat for the ride just like the rest of you. If you were under the impression I knew what I was doing, well, that was your first mistake!"

And guess what? That whole crew (with the exception of Teresa's mom) is signed on for the trip this year...gluttons for punishment I suppose. I can't wait either!

To Express or Not to Express?

A classmate of mine posted an article on what motivates different behaviors and how to interpret that. After I wrote the reply I was pleased with how it turned out so I thought I'd put in on here for some "food for thought".

“In spiritual issues, the currency or medium of exchange is different, but the principle is the same. Love, friendship, respect, admiration are the emotional response of one person to the virtues of another, the spiritual payment given in exchange for the personal, selfish pleasure which one person derives from the virtues of another person’s character.”

(Denise): Interesting quote. Brings to light an interesting conversation I recently had with a colleague. I completely and totally agree with this paragraph. Admiring another human being for some special quality they happen to possess is NEVER a bad thing. I’m of the opinion that’s a huge part of what is wrong with the planet right now; not enough people are willing to acknowledge admiration in ANY form to the person the adoration is directed at. It’s been my experience that people are pretty good at telling OTHER people what they like about a certain human but it’s odd how rarely that compliment actually reaches the person it was directed at. I’ve put much thought into this concept, and I think it’s because society has unwittingly made admiration and heartfelt emotion to be signs of “weakness”. People are so worried about, “What if he thinks this? What if she thinks I meant that? What if they take it the wrong way?” Everybody is SO focused on the “what if” that people are becoming too afraid to actually EVER express anything positive to anybody. It IS considered strength however to lash out, stand outside the circle, “put people in their place” and “remain professional”. The person who can maintain that personality is the person rewarded by society for “strength”. What load of crap is THAT?

Another quote from the article: “…try to imagine an immortal, indestructible robot, an entity which moves and acts, but which cannot be affected by anything..cannot be damaged, injured or destroyed. Such an entity would not be able to have any values; it would have nothing to gain or to lose; it could not regard anything as for or against it. It could have no interests and no goals.”

(Denise): This life form is being presented in the article as a detriment, YET THIS is the persona that is more and more being rewarded in “the corporate world”. The person who “cannot be damaged, injured or destroyed” is the ideal leader in business. In a sense they have to be because there are so many other “robots” trying to knock them out of their chair that only the strongest robot can maintain the seat.

And another quote: “To love is to value. Only a rationally selfish person, a person of self-esteem, is capable of love—because they are the only people capable of holding firm, consistent, uncompromising, un-betrayed values. The people who does not value themselves, cannot value anything or anyone. It is only on the basis of rational selfishness—on the basis of justice—that people can be fit to live together in a free, peaceful, prosperous, benevolent, rational society.”

(Denise): And maybe this is the answer to why people are so afraid to express admiration: They’ve lost the ability to value themselves; they figure they aren’t worthy therefore they have nothing good to offer. Expressing any sort of admiration or adoration would be viewed as a weakness and a character flaw rather than what it was intended to be, a gift to the person it was given to. And in the world today so many people are so trapped in their own tunnel vision that they are less and less likely to notice anybody around them. I can see how a lot of people could fall thru the cracks and start to feel they have no worth whatsoever. I see example after example on Criminal Minds every week. Yes, EXTREME examples, but half the time when they are profiling who they think the criminal is the “feels they aren’t worthy and feel they are invisible” comes up a LOT.

So, go ahead and roll your eyes, but here comes the Bono reference again. A huge reason I believe that band is so popular after 25 years? They sold out every arena they booked shows in for this tour, which was 70 or more dates, and they sold out in MINUTES. And not just in “some cities” but EVERYWHERE. Who else can do that? Nobody. So, why? It’s not so much about music or “that guy’s hot”, but it’s about a “feeling”. I personally am not affiliated with any church, same as Bono I’ve never found one I felt “fit”. BUT when I’m at those shows (I went to 5 on this tour in 3 different cities) it’s about how it makes me feel. For those 2 hours it’s okay to “feel”, and I’m surrounded by other people who know exactly what I mean. Bono can stand there during Pride In The Name of Love and act like he’s throwing handfuls of love that he’s taking from his heart while yelling “LOVE!” every time he does it. THAT is SO cheesy…But when you’re there? You’ll do it right back at him as does everybody around you. For 2 hours you’re allowed to feel and you’re in a crowd of people who feel the same. They have a song called “40” that is the words from Psalm 40 (more or less) that they put to music. The chorus is mostly “How long to sing this song?” At the end of the show the band leaves the stage one by one while the crowd continues to sing the chorus. At one of the shows in Denver EVERYBODY around me was STILL singing those words in the hall, down the escalator and into the parking lot, EVERYBODY. That doesn’t happen anywhere but at a U2 show. Then we all get in our separate cars, go home and lose that feeling by the next morning. I guess what’s important is that it was ever there at all.

So, is Bono weak because he expresses love openly? Is Bono weak because he compliments others? Is Bono weak because he hasn’t affiliated himself with a “team” or “group” of people? LOL! He’s a rock star who’s twice been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and he was invited to be the President of the World Bank (he turned it down). Somebody in an interview asked him if he were a citizen would he like to be president of the U.S. He said, “No. I don’t want to move into a smaller house…” (The White House IS smaller than his house). All that and he’s doing a pretty good job of motivating the world to help out a continent that has mostly been ignored. His major plea to people? Coexist. Just that simple, yet so seemingly difficult.

To wind this up since it’s so long I’ll say this: No, I’m not implying we all need to be flower children and walk around telling each other, “I love YOU man!” BUT, ponder this: When was the last time you noticed something a co-worker or a colleague did that you felt was something admirable and then actually took the time to tell THEM that? Maybe you’re good at it…I know I’m sure not. I have to consciously remind myself from time to time to take the time to acknowledge. Yes, I run the risk of that person thinking, “Duh…kiss butt”, or “She said something nice, she must WANT me…fat chance” or “What is it she’s trying to get from me?” Something along those lines…Every time I say something kind to somebody I don’t know very well I am risking misinterpretation, as are all of us. But you know what? So what? If I “selfishly made myself feel good by acknowledging the good work or virtues of another” then where is the harm in that? I’m going to choose to follow the example of Bono, rather than “The Donald”. That’s my personal choice of the person I believe I’d like to be.

Once not so long ago I was told by a colleague that everything I say oozes of emotion and that quality is going to be detrimental to my business career. This colleague indicated discomfort with my “style” and requested “professionalism”. Okay, I’m not for everybody, I get that, however initially this nonetheless smashed my feelings. Was I just told that who I am is not acceptable, therefore it would preferential if I projected myself as somebody other than who I am? I think that’s what I was told. And, in the name of “live and let live” I realized I can be who that person needs me to be in order for us to continue to work together…that’s fine. Rather than crawl into a hole telling myself, “Well, I’m not important enough to rate past the co-worker level” I decided to remind myself it’s not my loss, it’s their’s. I can respect their wishes but to their detriment they are never going to “have the pleasure” of getting to know me. I think that’s what we all need to tell ourselves when we’re set back like that; sadly, it’s their loss, because we ALL have something to offer if people just take the time to know us.

One of my favorite movies is Primary Colors. At one point pretty early on Henry and the Governor’s wife are having tea in the kitchen late at night. Henry takes a drink without testing it and burns his mouth. The Gov’s wife tells him, “Haven’t you learned to never drink tea without testing it?”

Henry says, “I guess that’s what experience teaches people; how not to get burned”.

She replies, “Not the best people”.

Amen.

You're Playing You Now

As I've stated previously, I LOVE good lyrics...I'm painting my guest room today, so I'm listening to the KINK stream on my computer. I've heard this song a million times, but today the lyrics actually got my attention; how deep is THIS? Yes, it's a little dark (or a lot), but it provokes food for thought on a lot of different levels. I edited out a lot of the repetition, but this is the basic gist of it:

Camera One lyrics
Artist - Josh Joplin Group
Album - Useful Music

The sandy haired son of Hollywood

Lost his faith in all that's good

Closed the curtain, unplugged the clock

Hung his clothes on the shower rod

But he never got undressed

And no, he never made a mess

It's funny how life turns out

The odds of faith in the face of doubt

Camera One closes in

The soundtrack starts

The scene begins

You're playing you now

You're playing you now

Take a bow

Take a bow

The trophy wife from Palisades

Whose yearbook beauty never fades

Sits and watches the sea fold in

And wonders what might have been

If she could ever have the chance

Would she do it all again?

It's funny how life turns out

The odds of faith in the face of doubt

Camera One closes in

The soundtrack starts

The scene begins

You're playing you now

You're playing you now

Take a bow

Take a bow

On the corner

By his streets

He sits in his lawnchair

In the heat Sightseers see

What they want

They're selling star-maps

To the sun

The sunny-haired son of Hollywood

Lost his faith in all that's good

Closed the curtain, unplugged the clock

Hung his clothes on the shower rod

But he didn't get undressed

And no, he didn't seem depressed

It's funny how life turns out

The odds of faith in the face of doubt

Camera One closes in

The soundtrack starts

The scene begins

You're playing you now

You're playing you now

Take a bow

Take a bow

Come On Al...Take a New Part!

Okay, is it just me, or has Al Pacino been playing the same guy ever since Scent of a Woman? I swear, I love him, but same charactor in every movie; obnoxious burnt out guy on the edge alcoholic who can't keep his mouth shut and manipulates people. He was that charactor blind in S.O.A.W., and hasn't been anybody else ever since. I mean come ON look at DeNiro, everything from Meet the Fockers to crazy schizonphrenic crazy murderer guy...he's playing all sides of the spectrum. But Al, Al, Al...

The cause for my rant is that I just watched Two For the Money. Not a bad movie. Matt McConaughey has his shirt off a LOT in there, and he's been doing a lot of ab work, maybe because of Sahara (I think they are making a sequel...I hope so). He looks so good I literally don't like Penelope Cruz any more because I'm so jealous she's been dating Matt so long. THAT is pathetic...like if Penelope wasn't going out with him "I'd be in there". LOL! Oh well, the answer to my question: "If you could spend the night with ANYBODY you wanted, just one night, who would it be?" Duh...Matt McConaughey would pop out of my mouth without any actual thought pattern being necessary! My sister thought he was hot in Dazed And Confused...okay, even I can't see that....big stretch and the 70's hair did NOT look good on him. BUT he did very much get my attention in A Time To Kill. One of my all time favorite movies and I think it was one of his all time best roles....(and, I've never seen sweat rolling down a man's back seem that sexy to me before, or since for that matter). He's had me around his finger ever since...just can't kick that habit.

Anyway, got sidetracked: Two For the Money, I'd give 2 thumbs up, but my one piece of advice would be, "Come on Al, play a serial killer or a crazy wacky inlaw...mix it up a little bit...You can do it!"