U2 Does Letterman's Top 10

Sony's Latest Gadget Release

This pretty much says it all regarding "the latest rage in electronics" that's always coming out.

Eloquent U2 Review from the Oregonian...

I've read 100's of reviews lately on the new U2 album. I've listened to the whole thing several times on My Space (it's good...I need a copy in my car before I can say for sure though). Of all the reviews I've read so far, this is my favorite:

The Oregonian
March 02, 2009

By D.K. Row

Let me diverge a bit away from the art world.

On Tuesday, U2 releases its latest, "No Line on the Horizon." Hard to believe that Bono and the lads have been around for more than three
decades stirring up some incredible music and always looking to
reinvent. There's a lesson there for every creative person.

I confess I can't listen to them terribly objectively; I'm a fan. A
mad one. But the always insightful Ann Powers over at the Los Angeles
Times can. And she did, right here.

After the jump, however, is a story I wrote NINE years ago about the
band, on the eve of "All That You Can't Leave Behind." Like the band,
I was in the midst of transition at that time, one that would take me
back to the New York of my college years and then back to Portland.
Such are the nutty ways of love.

By the way, Hiroshi Sugimoto contributed the cover photograph for the
new disc.

There are some things in life you can never let go right away. The
beloved baseball glove, the well-worn shirt and, not to equate the
three, even an old girlfriend. And there are some bands you never
stop listening to, even when you think you should have outgrown them.

But even rarer is the band that grows up with you, shedding, like
you, its youth, and reinventing its music into something fuller and
more alive.

I've been listening to U2 for 20 years, when its propulsive guitar-
based sound and passionately sincere lyrics first gripped me in a way
that I knew wasn't merely "of the moment."

Ever since, I've blindly followed singer Bono, guitarist The Edge,
bassist Adam Clayton and drummer Larry Mullen wherever their music
has traveled, from the political anthems of "War" to the industrial
glam-rock of "Achtung Baby" to their latest, "All That You Can't
Leave Behind," which hits the street Tuesday.

I'm not a casual U2 fan, but I don't belong to a fan club or avidly
follow their whereabouts. I don't know much about them personally,
and because I hate crowds, I've seen them live only once. To me, it's
about buying the music and listening to it -- over and over. I've had
to replace a couple of CDs because I've worn them down to the last.

Now, the quartet -- with the same lineup since they began -- is no
longer young. Like the rest of their earliest fans, most of the four
lads from Dublin are now men with wives or serious companions and
families. But the music is still powerful, evocative. And as I listen
to the advance copy of "All That You Can't Leave Behind," I feel the
band's history and my own entwining.

1980 I hear, for the first time, "Boy." Growing up in Southern
California listening to Journey and spending most of my life in the
library, I experienced this as not simply music but some kind of
Rosetta stone in the form of heavenly sound. Authentic power-rock
songs about young love and growing up -- "Out of Control," "Stories
for Boys" -- transport me into that world beyond the imagination:
real life. The record isn't close to being a chartbuster, but Bono's
unabashed emotion and the band's refreshing sound create word-of-
mouth groundswell -- and personal solace of sorts. I've never been
out on a date, and a pretty girl actually asks me out. I turn her
down out of shyness.

1983 The band follows the disappointing "October" -- hastily
assembled after Bono reportedly lost some of the lyrics --
with "War." The Olympian call for peace in Northern Ireland, "Sunday
Bloody Sunday," will become one of U2's signature songs. As will "New
Year's Day," which features The Edge's most blistering guitar solo
ever. While Duran Duran and other fop-haired bands dominate the
charts, U2 becomes a critic's darling, making idealists out of us
all. I'm a dutiful student with a passion for sports. Although I grew
up in the seductive world of swimming pools, sun and Los Angeles-area
beaches, I move to New York to fight my own good fight: getting an
education.

1984 I spend my first Thanksgiving away from home. I barely know how
to cook, so I eat a slice of cheese pizza the size of a Frisbee.
Somehow, I don't mind that I saw a rat running through the pizzeria's
kitchen, either. In New York, coping mechanisms -- called denial --
are everything. The band teams up with ambient sound masters Brian
Eno and Daniel Lanois for "The Unforgettable Fire." The music is more
sophisticated, but also muddled and diffuse. Bono's lyrics are even
more emotionally abstract and The Edge subsumes his ego. The once-
blistering ax is now layers of jangly, melodic echo.

At the time, I'm not sure Eno is the right producer for the band, but
in retrospect, this is U2's breakthrough record, intimating the grand
sonic landscapes ahead. I triumph with my own breakthrough. I get my
first girlfriend, a smarty-pants Ivy League girl who speaks English
like one of Lord Chesterfield's daughters. She thinks little of U2 --
"The spy plane shot down by those Russians?" We will not last.

1987 "The Joshua Tree" comes out. From the beginning track, "Where
the Streets Have No Name," there is no question this album will be a
masterpiece. Singles are plentiful: "With or Without You," "I Still
Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." I try to write a novel and spend
a year working demoralizing part-time jobs. I listen obsessively to
U2 to procrastinate, carried away by Bono's reach-for-the stars
cliches and The Edge's spiraling arpeggios. I write a grand total of
20 pages for the year, and get mugged for the first time ever on East
90th Street by seven kids. U2, though, becomes a certified mega-band.

1988 The '80s are winding down. That means yellow ties are out of
style, thank heaven. U2 follows up "The Joshua Tree" with "Rattle &
Hum," a buffet of fake blues and overblown anthems. It's all
hysterical polemic with the band's lowest moment: During "Silver and
Gold," Bono gives his famous Bishop Tutu speech, which asks the
question, "Am I buggin' you?" Has success spoiled the once-earnest
four lads? Of course. But that's OK. They still make the most
beautiful noise. As a musician friend tells me, "Listening to U2 is
every musician's secret bad habit." I stop writing and take a well-
paying job as a researcher at a law firm. Twenty floors up in the sky
in Manhattan's midtown, I spend many long days and nights reading and
researching legal documents, wishing I could play the guitar like The
Edge.

1991 Redemption. The band returns with its finest effort. Recording
in Berlin and Dublin, the band reinvents itself with "Achtung Baby,"
a hybrid of arena rock, industrial soundscapes and ambient touches
that also presages the techno movement to come later in the decade. I
leave the big city and end up in Nepal, the most beautiful place on
Earth. What you don't see in those picture-perfect postcards is the
filth of Third World life. So after four weeks of not bathing and
ingesting what was probably a smidgen of cow dung by accident, I'm
felled by some terrible stomach disorder. In my dark tent, I lie
down, turn on my Walkman, block out the chatter of the sherpas, and
mend my intestines with beautiful sound: U2's sweet, soothing and
sad "One." 1994 I break up with my girlfriend -- someone I thought
was the love of my life. On a lark, I relocate to Portland. I know no
one. I don't have a job. I've never even been to this city. It is
quiet, clean, beautiful, with tons of creative young people. I take
to riding my bike late at night in the Northwest industrial section
of town and then across the Hawthorne Bridge, listening to the band's
1993 release, "Zooropa." U2, I believe, is not popular in the
Northwest, though slightly whiny alternative bands like Pavement and
Nirvana and the "alternative sound" are. What I also realize is this:
The last thing the world needs is another angst-ridden
hipster. "Zooropa," along with another fabulous record, Jane
Siberry's "When I Was a Boy," are my best friends as I fall in love
with the Northwest's own lushly ambient atmosphere: constant dappling
rain, good beer and strong coffee. 1997 "Pop" comes out. The band is
in full self-mockery mode -- the parodic PopMart tour seems just pure
spectacle. Although U2 has outlasted every band from the '80s, and
constantly challenged itself musically and influenced the likes of
Radiohead and a bunch of other alternative bands, "Pop" seems a
disappointment. Sonically, there are moments of gorgeousness, namely
The Edge's guitar work, which often replicates the sound of a
synthesizer. The band, though, seems to try too hard to be current
and cutting, when, in fact, the lads are old men -- in rock 'n' roll
years, that is. But so am I, as I put my art background and love of
writing to use as a local art reviewer.

2000 Older, grayer and, in the case of The Edge, balder, the band
comes out with "All That You Can't Leave Behind," a stripped-down
version of its early guitar-based, powerhook-laden songs. The first
single, "Beautiful Day," announces that U2 is back on its home turf
of emotional directness and grand sound-making. I thumb through the
liner notes that feature, again, the band's pleas to join Amnesty
International. Then it dawns on me, for some reason, that Ronald
Reagan was president when I first heard the band. Post-punk, all that
bad '80's music, grunge, those regrettable revivals of the '70s
and '80s have all come and gone. So, too, have I. Today I write about
art for this newspaper and I have a wonderful girlfriend who has
shown me how to take the right things seriously. The law firm, Nepal,
a failed attempt at writing a novel, and so many other things seem as
far away as "Boy." She tolerates my U2 obsession only because her
best friend, Matt, a former musician, is a bigger U2 freak than I am.
Last week Matt and his wife visited Portland, and we spent a night
drinking beer, talking about U2 and his about-to-be-born first child.

"I know this is not goodbye," Bono sings in one of the songs from the
new disc. I don't know which song it is -- I've just been listening
to the music over and over. And it also dawns on me: If Bono and the
boys decided to hang up their instruments and call it a day, I know
they'd be fine. And I know they'd never get together again, either.
That's how it should be.

And I would be fine, too, even though my favorite band would stop
making music. Because there are some things you never let go of, even
after they're gone.

© The Oregonian, 2009.

Meltdown or Hoax? The Saga of Joaquin Phoenix.

I'm still not convinced Joaquin isn't doing a Borat and pulling an elaborate hoax that goes along with his "documentary" he's filming about his morph into a hip-hop star. If you've missed the infamous Letterman appearance, here it is. I haven't seen a train wreck this fun to watch since The Anna Nicole Show was still on the air...



And, to put a little icing on the cake, Ben Stiller NAILED this on the Oscars this year. If he's truly melting down in the public eye and I'm enjoying the downfall of yet another celebrity, then I'm sorry...I'll apologize later. But for now, this is some funny, funny, shit.

The Boys Are Back In Town!!!

Well, I know I previously wrote I was a little pissed at Bono...I wondered how I'd feel about the new album, next tour...maybe I'd stay mad. Then I saw them sing again, nope, not mad. Check out the video for Get On Your Boots. Not the best radio song, but it's going to be fantastic in concert...I feel it will grow on me as time goes by! See for yourself!



And for those interested, here is the actual studio version:

Get On Your Boots

Is Twilight Ruining America?

LOL! Nice deceptive title, huh? I'm a little on the late freight and I just read the book Twilight on Thanksgiving Day. I picked it up in the morning and really never put it down until the evening when I was finished with it. I was doing some Googling to see if they were planning on making the next 3 books into films or not (they are: click here) and as it goes with blogs sometimes, I kept clicking links that led to other discussions. I went from "Are they to make the next 3 movies" to "Is this series harmful to today's youth". PLEASE!!! I read a little of the discussion board and most reading the blog begged to differ as well (thank God).

I'm 43, and not a teenage girl anymore (yes, I am aware of that)...And here's what I walked away with from the book and the film: It was absolutely giddily romantic. Have none of these critical people never been hopelessly head-over-heels in love where you feel like that person is human heroin and you'll die if you don't get another hit soon? :-) If they haven't ever felt that, then I feel sorry for them. I'll admit, it's a horrible, out of control terrifying feeling when you're in it, but it's also the most wonderful thing EVER!!! Anybody who's never felt that probably feels a lot more in control, but they've also missed out on what it feels like to be completely emotionally out of control (in a good way...not a "Better go find Gil Grissom to catch this bitch" psychotic).

Would I find a way to make it work with Edward the Vampire if he was blowing such hard pheromones at me that I just couldn't get enough of it? Absolutely!!! If that makes me mentally ill, then print me the tee shirt and I'll wear it every day!

Great books, great story, VERY romantic. Ladies, read it with head held high and don't berrate yourself for totally loving the latest greatest thing in hot teen literature. Speaking of that, how come "teen literature" has all these fat books in huge series, eg Harry Potter and Twilight? When I was a kid we got Are You There God, It's Me Margaret and the best series we had was The Black Stallion. Good series, but each book was less than 200 pages...These Twilight books are 500-600 pages!!! What the HELL??? I feel as an avid teen reader I may have been gipped. That said, if I want to read the Twilight Books and I think the vampires are the sexiest thing ever, then that's my God given American Right. :-)

Why Is Enzyte Bob Getting So Many Hits?

Okay, somebody has to tell me: Why is my Enzyte Bob page getting hit so much? I monitor my blog, and what locations are hitting which pages. My Enzyte Bob article gets many hits per day! Tell me WHY somebody???? Next person who navigates onto my blog via the Enzyte Bob article, please leave me a comment to explain "why"? Did these commercials just start airing in the UK, does the stuff really work or what is the deal? LOL! Somebody put me out of my misery and let me know!!!

Melissa Etheridge Tells California, "You Can Forget My Taxes!"

I've been a BIG fan of Melissa, since the first time I saw her on the American Music Awards (or was it the Grammies?) the year she was nominated for Best New Artist, along with Tracy Chapman, KD Lang and somebody else who's name alludes me. Anyway, it's been great watching her change from a lady who could play an acoustic guitar and sing like nobody's business, to out of the closet lebian activist, to Academy Award winning singer/songwriter. I got a kick out of this article I read on the KINK radio site. Classic Melissa. What I like about this the best is that I'm not a lesbian, or Black, or Hispanic, or Asian, any of the "them" classes she is talking about. I'm a pretty average heterosexual white girl. Anyway, what I like the best about this is that whether I'm one of "them" or not, I'm tired of the fact that a "them" group exists at all. Let's get rid of the whole "you people" concept for anybody and just all be "people". She has a point: one of "them" has been elected President of the United States. Maybe that means that finally we are one step closer to "them" being just "us".

Singer Melissa Etheridge rails against the passage of the gay-marriage ban in California—and she won't be paying the state a dime.

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won't have to pay their taxes either. Full Story

Spring Awakening? Where Did the Buzz Come From?

I LOVE musicals...I've seen several and I'm always trying to go to new ones. I knew nothing about Spring Awakening, but I read the reviews and I was totally prepared for it to be the best thing I've seen since The Phantom...I read the review on the Portland Mercury website and I was offended the reviewer was so hard on this play I was sure I was going to love.

Then I saw it...well, most of it...I left towards the end because I wasn't entertained enough to ride it out until the end and have to wait in the parking garage traffic. If you click the link above and go read the Mercury review it says everything I'm thinking after seeing it. The only thing I could add is that my big question was, "Where was the choreography?" And for the little bit of choreography there was: "Who thought that up? Madonna's Vogue Dancers from her Blond Ambition Tour?" Not good.

The biggest epiphany I was having is that I feel like I'd seen this play before, only a much better version...it felt like it was sort of trying to be Rent, without the great storyline, characters you cared about and really great choreography.

This smoldering terd of a play has won a bunch of Tony Awards and has received much critical acclaim. I guess either I am too old, or too young to relate quite right to this...I was very disappointed. Portland has a great lineup of musicals coming up this Winter: The Color Purple, Moving Out and Wicked. Of those three, I've only seen Moving Out, but I will go again because THAT was some truly fine choreography combined with some of the greatest music ever written in our time. I'll let you know about The Color Purple after I make the trip to the theater. Hopefully I'm more satisfied than I was with this tonight...at least the ticket wasn't very expensive. Whew....

The Lost Pips Audition

This is sort of old, it was played on the American Idol final last year...doesn't matter, this just gets funnier to me the more times I watch it...Hope others think it's as funny as I do. Click on Midnight Train to Georgia to get there.

PS: The video has nothing to do with this picture...I just thought it was sort of funny.

An Even Better Paul Newman Story!!!

I received this via e-mail and thought it was great. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

A woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.

One Sunday morning the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk 5 mile hike she decided to treat herself to a double dip ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went directly to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron, Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having coffee and a doughnut.

The woman’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. “Put yourself together” she chided herself, “you’re a happily married woman with three children. You’re 45 years old, not a teenager!”

The clerk filled her order and she took the double dip ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman’s direction. When she reached the car she realized she had her change in one hand but her other hand was empty. “Where’s my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store?” Back into the store she went expecting to see the cone still in the clerk’s other hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight.

With that she happened to look over at Paul Newman his face broke into his familiar warm, friendly grin and he said to the woman, “You put it in your purse”.

More Great Lyrics of Note

This song Shattered by O.A.R.? GREAT lyrics. My favorite line: "How many times can I break til I shatter?" I wish I'd thought of that....

In a way, I need a change
From this burnout scene
Another time, another town
Another everything
But it's always back to you

Stumble out, in the night
From the pouring rain
Made the block, sat and thought
There's more I need
It's always back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

I had no idea that the night
Would take so damn long
Took it out, on the street
While the rain still falls
Push me back to you

But I'm good without ya
Yeah, I'm good without you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered
I always turn the car around

Give it up, give it up, baby
Give it up, give it up, now
Now

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
All that I feel is the realness I'm faking
Taking my time but it's time that I'm wasting
Always turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around

Don't wanna turn that car around
I gotta turn this thing around

Goodbye George and Paul (And I don't mean Beatles!)

I've been meaning to do this for a long time, but I guess I got around to chewing Bono out before I found the time to say my goodbye to two recently deceased and very important culture figures for me: George Carlin and Paul Newman.

George I remember from the infamous "Seven Words You Can't Say On TV". What was more scandalous than that bit? Nothing I can think of. He showed great scope and depth, and most importantly he spent his life saying all the things the rest of us were afraid to. To put his death more in perspective, here is George's view on death and dying, from his own lips.


Then there is Paul Newman...I remember him first from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid...who doesn't? I loved him doing a reprise of Fast Eddy Felson in The Color of Money, and I truly fell in love with him in one of his final performances in Nobody's Fool. That movie is in one of my Top 5 favorites if the truth be told. One of my favorite lines, "I AM hurrying. It just LOOKS like slow motion". Paul, you will be missed. I found a nice tribute to his career on YouTube which you can watch here.

Shame On You Bono...

Anybody who has spent any time on my blog knows I am a huge Bono fan. I have several posts about him on this blog, I've met him and I have his signature tattooed on my calf. I'm a big fan. However, as of late a little tarnish has collected on the armor from my perspective. It's been a slow deterioration for me; maybe I know to much about Bono's life. I belong to the @u2 website which sends me an e-mail anytime anybody from U2 is mentioned anywhere in the world. You know, I get really tired of reading about how Bono has been spending his time on the French Riviera with Bradgelina and miscellaneous other celebrities. I don't need to know about the lavish parties and the expensive meals and bottles of wine. Yes, he's earned it and he's a big celebrity, but the thought started to creep in,

"How does Bono spend $3500 on a bottle of wine and then look one of these impoverished African folks he is trying to help in the eye? Isn't there more than a little hypocracy in jet setting in South France, spending more in a day that several of those families will see in a year and then asking ME for more money to support the cause?"

I even have tried to rationalize past that..."Well, maybe he works so hard on the cause that he deserves the splurge in order to relax on his down time". I've tried...Then I watched his interview on CNN a.m. a week or so ago...and I snapped. When asked what he thinks about the current financial crisis in America, he went off on some canned speech about how much malaria has been cured in Africa and then said something totally trite about the financial crisis. Immediately after that he went into his mechanical speech he's probably given 1,000,000 times about who has given money, who has not, and threw in a barb about how America hasn't come through with several million they original promised....

WHAT?????!!!! Did he not hear the part about "financial crisis"? Does he not understand how terrifying it is to be an average Joe in America faced with possible Depression Era circumstances? Let's take that a little farther: Does he not understand how embarrassing it is to watch what is happening to our native country as a consequence of an administration I NEVER voted for and had nothing to do with putting into power? Where does he get off saying what our country is shorting his cause on when "we" at large had very little to do with the current state of things. The majority of us didn't want this war, didn't want this administration and didn't want a lot of the travesty that has occurred during the last 8 years....Bono, how DARE you state what we haven't done to help YOU? We are just trying to keep our heads above water until we can actually get somebody into power who can roll up his sleeves and go to work trying to fix the mess that has been left for them.

I've enjoyed U2's music for 20 years now....A U2 concert has been my place I've found myself to be the happiest. I attended 5 different shows on the Vertigo Tour and I loved every one of them. I'm really curious as to how I'm going to react when the new album comes out...it better be a really good album, because right now Bono's politics and insensitivity has left a really bad taste in my mouth. I hope the one thing I used to enjoy more than any other isn't ruined as a result of it. Bono, I love what you've done for Africa, but you've been able to do it because we all adored you to celebrity status in the first place....and America played a huge part in that. I think I'd remember how to cluck cluck in sympathy in the right places right now and maybe drop the soap box for a minute once in awhile...

Bear Warning for Campers

Lorenzo the Flying Horseman

Enzyte's Smiling Bob? Creepiest Commercial Ever???

I've been enduring these commercials for almost a year now...I watch a lot of Comedy Central and I think that is the only channel they play on anymore, but to quote Andy Griffith from Rustler's Rhapsody, "GEE WHIZ!!!!" The innuendos are barely innuendos and Smiling Bob looks like a rapist...or something...If "natural male enhancement" makes this guy a sex god, well, I think I vote for no more natural male enhancement. :-)

Oh, and did I mention the commercial where Bob is dressed up as Santa, they are implying how well this works and all the women are lined up to sit on "Santa's" lap? That seems more than a little twisted to me. As I said, the whole thing is creepy, creepy, creepy....


The next person to read this, go here: What Is The Deal With Smilin' Bob???

U23D Finally Releasing?????!!!!!

I've been reading about this in my web news group for months now. I know this was premiered at Cannes to much accolade, and I've been waiting for it to launch to the public; looks like that will happen soon! Click here to see the preview.

Although I don't think this will be "just as good" as being at a concert, it may be an accurate way for more people to get to get an idea of what a big show with these wily Irishmen is like. It's being released by National Geographic and here is the write up which discussed the technology. By the way, please note that the "3D" technology is not like Jaws in 3D or something dumb like that where Bono will hover over the audience to your awe and amazement. This is a whole new ball game and most likely the start of a whole new way of viewing movies and maybe even TV one day. Please read the article here.

I for one am stoked...a new album is teased of for 2008, but nothing is solid...that would mean no tour until 2009...that's a long time for me to go U2less...maybe this will help in the meantime. I guarantee I will drag as many people who live local to me to this, the rest of you are on your own!

My Plagerism of "Growing Up '70's"

Somebody sent this to me via e-mail recently and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world...if I knew who's blog it's from I'd give them credit...alas, I don't, so here it is, my past I'm reluctant to fess up to....Enjoy!

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This 'all purpose jumpsuit' is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made y ou, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob 'No-pants' Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it ha sn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.
Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F*ck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled 'Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best.
And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says 'I love the way your junk fights against that fabric.'
Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.

To whomever wrote this originally? I tip my hat to you. VERY nice job...very nice. My only regret? I didn't come up with it myself.

Views From the Wheelchair Part 2

Okay, I know I only seem to have one subject, but, well, there is really only one thing on my mind these days. The other day I finally ventured out and used my right as a handicapped person to ride the C-Van (short bus) to go shopping. First thing: That elevator lift thing on the side is friggin' terrifying! Way too high and all that is saving me from death is my wheelchair brakes? LOL! Not a good time!

Then, they get you in the van and they strap your wheelchair down from 4 different directions which makes me wonder, "Are we going to drive or does this thing take off like an airplane?" As soon as we were underway the reason for all the straps was apparent: The driver drives very fast. Very fast. I needed every strap that was attached to my chair.

So, I arrive at the Trader Joes to finish my shopping. The bus driver unloads me and off I go...sort of. I got stuck on the little ramp leading into the store and I couldn't do anything but spin my wheels. Some angel of a man grabbed my chair from behind and pushed me into the store, wished me Merry Christmas and headed off into the store (I never did see his face). My first glimpse of the level of humanitarianism which is still alive and well in the world.

While shopping I realized that virtually everything I wanted was on a shelf I couldn't reach. Since I had my goods basket in my lap I couldn't really stand up, so I had to wait for somebody to come by and ask them to hand me things; everybody was glad to help me.

When I was done shopping I asked the store if I could leave my groceries behind the counter while I did some other things in the shopping center; the checker gladly stashed my groceries, and even put my frozen waffles in the freezer so they wouldn't unthaw while I was gone...that was really nice.

I made it to the Quiznos around the corner okay (those little $2 sandwiches really are pretty good), but then I couldn't get back up the ramp to get back. I waited for a man to be walking into the Petco and asked him if he could give me a push...he gladly did.

Get the pattern here? Yes, I was sort of independent, but then again, not really...until I develop a lot better upper body strength I am sort of doomed to ask my fellow human beings for help...and you know what I find really comforting? They all seem to be happy to help me. Good manners and kindness are alive and well in the world despite what we are told on the news...don't let anybody convince you otherwise.