Friday, May 18, 2007


1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A POEM "Not" BY MAYA ANGELOU but actually by Pamela Redmond Satran "oops!"

I received commentary from a mysterious Lisa (see her comment below) which states:

"This was not written by Maya Angelou. It was written by Pamela Redmond Satran for Glamour magazine." The story on this can be found here.

My apologies...I received a forwarded e-mail, took it at face value and posted the poem because I liked it. Thanks Lisa for letting me know my error!


A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she
never wants to or needs to...

A woman should have something perfect to wear if the employer or
date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A woman should have a youth she's content to leave behind....

A woman should have a past juicy enough that she's looking
forward to retelling it in her old age.

A woman should have a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and
a black lace bra...

A woman should have one friend who always makes her laugh,
And one who lets her cry...

A woman should have a good piece of furniture not previously
owned by any one else in her family...

A woman should have eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests
feel honored...

A woman should have
a feeling of control over her destiny.

how to fall in love without losing herself.

Every woman should know how to quit a job,
Break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without losing the friendship.

Every woman should know when to try harder
And when to walk away.

Every woman should know that she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips,
Or the nature of her parents.

Every woman should know that her childhood may not have been
perfect...but its over.

Every woman should know what she would and wouldn't do
For love or more.

Every woman should know how to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it.
Every woman should know whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally.

Be it to her best friend's kitchen table
Or a charming inn in the woods
when her soul needs soothing.

Every woman should know what she can and can't accomplish in a
A month...
And a year...