Saturday, December 29, 2007

U23D Finally Releasing?????!!!!!

I've been reading about this in my web news group for months now. I know this was premiered at Cannes to much accolade, and I've been waiting for it to launch to the public; looks like that will happen soon! Click here to see the preview.

Although I don't think this will be "just as good" as being at a concert, it may be an accurate way for more people to get to get an idea of what a big show with these wily Irishmen is like. It's being released by National Geographic and here is the write up which discussed the technology. By the way, please note that the "3D" technology is not like Jaws in 3D or something dumb like that where Bono will hover over the audience to your awe and amazement. This is a whole new ball game and most likely the start of a whole new way of viewing movies and maybe even TV one day. Please read the article here.

I for one am stoked...a new album is teased of for 2008, but nothing is solid...that would mean no tour until 2009...that's a long time for me to go U2less...maybe this will help in the meantime. I guarantee I will drag as many people who live local to me to this, the rest of you are on your own!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

My Plagerism of "Growing Up '70's"

Somebody sent this to me via e-mail recently and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world...if I knew who's blog it's from I'd give them credit...alas, I don't, so here it is, my past I'm reluctant to fess up to....Enjoy!

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This 'all purpose jumpsuit' is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made y ou, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob 'No-pants' Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it ha sn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.
Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F*ck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled 'Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best.
And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says 'I love the way your junk fights against that fabric.'
Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy.

To whomever wrote this originally? I tip my hat to you. VERY nice job...very nice. My only regret? I didn't come up with it myself.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Views From the Wheelchair Part 2

Okay, I know I only seem to have one subject, but, well, there is really only one thing on my mind these days. The other day I finally ventured out and used my right as a handicapped person to ride the C-Van (short bus) to go shopping. First thing: That elevator lift thing on the side is friggin' terrifying! Way too high and all that is saving me from death is my wheelchair brakes? LOL! Not a good time!

Then, they get you in the van and they strap your wheelchair down from 4 different directions which makes me wonder, "Are we going to drive or does this thing take off like an airplane?" As soon as we were underway the reason for all the straps was apparent: The driver drives very fast. Very fast. I needed every strap that was attached to my chair.

So, I arrive at the Trader Joes to finish my shopping. The bus driver unloads me and off I go...sort of. I got stuck on the little ramp leading into the store and I couldn't do anything but spin my wheels. Some angel of a man grabbed my chair from behind and pushed me into the store, wished me Merry Christmas and headed off into the store (I never did see his face). My first glimpse of the level of humanitarianism which is still alive and well in the world.

While shopping I realized that virtually everything I wanted was on a shelf I couldn't reach. Since I had my goods basket in my lap I couldn't really stand up, so I had to wait for somebody to come by and ask them to hand me things; everybody was glad to help me.

When I was done shopping I asked the store if I could leave my groceries behind the counter while I did some other things in the shopping center; the checker gladly stashed my groceries, and even put my frozen waffles in the freezer so they wouldn't unthaw while I was gone...that was really nice.

I made it to the Quiznos around the corner okay (those little $2 sandwiches really are pretty good), but then I couldn't get back up the ramp to get back. I waited for a man to be walking into the Petco and asked him if he could give me a push...he gladly did.

Get the pattern here? Yes, I was sort of independent, but then again, not really...until I develop a lot better upper body strength I am sort of doomed to ask my fellow human beings for help...and you know what I find really comforting? They all seem to be happy to help me. Good manners and kindness are alive and well in the world despite what we are told on the news...don't let anybody convince you otherwise.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Views From the Wheelchair

As most people who know me have heard in an extensive 3 part e-mail series, on November 8th I took a step off a 3 foot step stool and broke my leg in 3 places...Good times! Not even a very good story for the amount of damage inflicted. At any rate, 2 surgeries later I am non weight bearing on my right leg until most likely after the New Year. That means I sit in my recliner with my leg up when I'm at home and use the walker for short trips around the house. To go to work I use a wheelchair and I have to be assisted in and out of the house/car/into the building, etc...I am a wildly independent person who has found herself completely dependent on others for several aspects of my life right now.

So why am I sharing this with you? Boy oh BOY has my perspective of the world changed!!! I have a handicapped permit, so you immediately are scrutinizing who else is using those spots and do they look like THEY actually NEED to be using those spots? In going to a restaurant or the movies you have to figure out where the ramp in the curb is so that you can get the wheelchair into the building...a lot of the ramps are clear at one end or the other, so you have to make a significant side trip to get in and out. Once you are in, figuring out how to best sit at the table so as not to be in the way of others and to still be comfortable is a bit of a challenge. This injury has proven to be a massive experiment in problem solving, to say the least. Let's not even talk about bathing, getting dressed, using the bathroom...I'll leave it at all exercises in problem solving for the sake of avoiding TMI. :-)

I went to see Billy Joel at the Rose Garden...the Garden is well equipped for handicapped access, but see how much you like the trip to your seat through the crowds. People do NOT look down and I felt like any minute somebody was going to trip over my leg or fall in my lap....then when they did look down I got almost an annoyed look that I was in THEIR way....That was interesting...wonder if I have been guilty of that with others in the past? Probably....

It's easy to be annoyed by how there are always empty handicapped parking spots right by the door, but you have to park way out in the back 40 and walk in because you aren't handicapped. It's easy to be annoyed because the person pushing the wheelchair in front of you is taking a long time or you have a hard time maneuvering around them. Well, guess what? I can assure each and every one of you that if you get to depend on that wheelchair for a little while you are going to see that all from a completely different perspective! The other thing I can say with all certainty: The answer to the question, "If I were to be granted several million dollars but I had to live the rest of my life in a wheelchair, would I take the money?" NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big fat NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care how much money somebody would give me, I'll take the use of my getaway sticks over cash ANY day of the week. I know wheelchair bound can install enough facilities in their lives to find a way to be mostly independent, and the amount of adaptation and skill that would take to accomplish I am completely in awe of. Seriously! I tip my hat to those people who have become disabled permanently and have made the best of it...I will forever see you in a different light. It's often difficult to find a bright spot through the gloom, but whenever I experience something which perhaps grants me more empathy for another group of my fellow humans, well, I welcome the experience. I'm not digging my spot, but I know I'll be walking around by New Years...if I learned something positive from the experience, then I guess I'll smile and say "Thank you".